Saturday, December 30, 2006


Remember Jen?

Well now apparently when one of these well known "Jenfused" things happen, Mike calls me first. He knows I will make every "Jenfused" situation public as quickly as possible.

As Mike tells the story, Jen calls Mike from work to let him know that Harrison Ford has died. Mike said he was shocked and asked Jen how. Jen told Mike that she did not know.

After hanging up, Mike reflected on the conversation. As Mike pondered to himself, well I know that Gerald Ford died today...

Mike calls Jen back and asks if maybe she meant to say that Gerald Ford died.

Jen says, "Then why are the flags at half staff!"

Mike says, "Because Gerald Ford was a past President."

Jen says, "Before Reagan?"

Mike says, "Yes, before Reagan."

Based on the current living President's, Jen is preparing next for the passing of George Clooney.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


Although delving into reality goes against the grain of this blog...for Christmas, I feel it is essential.

I make a concerted effort not to discuss work. However, at the same time, work often brings me back to reality. Two young girls lost their parents yesterday in a tragic accident. Yes, we have seen these things before...and we will all most certainly see them again. However, when dealing with the aftermath of death, there is rarely a witness...or rather witnesses...that are tied to the incident through blood. Yes, people do randomly witnesses unforeseen acts of violence and death on a daily basis. However, I believe that number drops dramatically when the list includes family members who watch other family members hopelessly die in front of them. It is one thing to watch someone's life taken in a split second. Pain? They probably never felt a thing. I imagine it is entirely something else when on a cold, rainy Christmas day, you are forced to watch your parents reach for life while being pummeled in cold, deadly, and relentless water. That is something that no one should have to witness.

My heart goes out to those two young girls. I will never forget their honest, shock driven statements of reality while also never forgetting the pain that every future Christmas will potentially bring them.

For those that dutifully serve the public, both home and abroad, never forget how fleeting life is. Grab those that you love close...and then closer again.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

#7 Update!

My previous Number 7 post appeared as this:

7. Enjoy Modern Plumbing



In actuality, I have learned that it should appear as this:

7. Enjoy Modern Plumbing



Yes, your feet go on the widest part of the bowl...and the flusher? Yea, that's that purple cup sitting there. What, the toilet paper? Yea, that's that purple cup sitting there. What, the drinking fountain? Yea, that's outside...what kind of sicko are you?

Top 10 Ways To Know Your Wife Has Been Out of the Country

6. You mistake that bruise on her leg for an injury when in reality, it is a really, really big bug bite.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Top 10 Ways To Know Your Wife Has Been Out of the Country

7. When she attempts to barter the price of of our groceries with the cashier at Meijer.

Top 10 Ways To Know Your Wife Has Been Out of the Country

8. When she says she has to go to the bathroom and you catch her trying to walk out the back door of the house.

Top 10 Ways To Know Your Wife Has Been Out of the Country

9. Her (Looking at the Sink): Which tap is the hot one?

Top 10 Ways To Know Your Wife Has Been Out of the Country

10. Explaining that in the States, wild animals are not allowed to run through the grocery store. Nor are the grocery store employees hocking samples at their little kitchen work stations required to be on rafts.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

1. Finally welcome her back home!

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

2. Make every plan to homebrew like Washington's troops prepared for Valley Forge...and then not have time to do it.

Of course, if history serves me correct, Washington didn't really prepare his troops for Valley maybe my analogy was correct! I must say, I had grand intentions of doing my first all-grain batch. I even have all the parts for my lauter tun...which are still sitting in the garage unassembled. Oh well, what I lost in not brewing, I certainly made up in drinking!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

3. Blow $1200 on a PS3 bundle with a ton of games...without her knowledge!

Yea...this isn't going to be pretty...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

4. See Jonathan Coulton live at Canal Street Tavern!

I have been following Jonathan's music for about a year and remembered saying that I would drive about any reasonable distance to see him. I never imagined it would actually be here in Dayton! What can I say...sheer excellence! I had forgotten how enjoyable intimate live music is.

Jonathan covered all of our favorites: the changing of the seasons, monkeys, zombies, etc... and was absolutely hilarious. Jonathan (or was it Jon-a-thon the sporting event? His name was misspelled on the bill) was also nice enough to pose for a picture. Unfortunately, it was taken with the TREO since the good digital camera is in Thailand and I didn't want to embarrass everyone by bring along the 25 pound 1995 digital camera I have sitting at home.

Paul and Storm closed the show and were also great. I think one of the things I enjoy about JoCo's music is that not only is it funny, but it is incredible music. Three cords and a joke doesn't make it, Jonathan's music is way past that. Great success awaits him one day.

It was an incredible evening. I hope he comes back!

UPDATE: A fellow Coulton Fan posted her pictures on Flickr...much better than mine!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

5. Host ManNight 2006!

Yes, what else is one to do but a host a swinging, testosterone laden evening of fun and homebrew! Now, let us say you stumble onto a swanky dinner party. Just how do you identify the event as ManNight?

First, check the bathroom. You will find the toilet seat up for the entire night with an industrial can of Lysol close at hand. If you happen to lower the seat out of habit, beware...other guests will chastise you!

Next, check for dinner attendees dressed in trendy, fashionable clothing...from 1974. Pictured here are the Host, the Commodore and the Closer.

As you continue your observations, be sure and check for the symbol of ManNight. The official traveling centerpiece and requisite tiger picture...GGrrrrrr!

What? Did someone say a makeshift Homebrew station? Why this soirée is shaping up nicely!

As the Table of Man was complete, I was reminded continuously through the evening that there was no "time schedule". The feast would be served when it was ready! No one dictates what we do! So when the gluttonous feast was served, the timing was perfect...because we didn't care!

So, what kind of meal is served at ManNight? Try Filet Mignon, Caramlized Sweet Potato's, Rosemary & Thyme Smashed Potato's, Bean and Corn Medley, Steamed Broccoli, Parker House Rolls, Deep Fried Cornish Game Hens and one of the world's worst decorated ManNight Cakes ever to grace our table!

In the end, it was a great night. How do I know? Easy, I lost my voice!