Sunday, November 26, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

6. Develop previously unneeded, or unwanted, mechanical skills.

Isn't it pretty?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

7. Enjoy Modern Plumbing



Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

8. Send a text message to your wife's friend who is sitting fifteen feet away and for some reason thinks it is actually your wife sending a message.... from Thailand.

So, Keith & Katie invite me out to dinner and we go to Tank's. Well who else has been hanging out at Tank's lately?? Yes...Jen. Well, as the UD basketball crowd leaves, I noticed Jen "studying" over in the corner. In my never ending attempt at humor, I decide I should text her: "Only freaks study in bars". I follow-up with a "hey"...I keep hiding my face...I am only fifteen feet away. I then get a response..."wow-hows thailand? Your husband crashed my brothers!!!" (No. 10 on the list) OK - she somehow things that Zoe is texting her from Thailand and not me...from my phone...fifteen feet away.

So, not being one to let a good opportunity slide by, I decided to spice it up a bit: "I am trapped in village...have u seen Mike?", I say. Jen then responds, "Saturday...crocodile tears and beer at Boston' you need rescued?" At this point I am somewhat perplexed...and hurting from laughing! Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her texting into her phone. I follow up with "No...I am serious...I need to get a hold of him...we have problems in village". By now I am picture Jen ploting some kind of story that could appear on Dateline and thenwe hear profanity flying across the bar...this message follows "we will try to get ya your in my prayers"!!! Jen is seen trying to explain to her study mates what is going on. She quickly calls Mike (her husband)...who I have of course had already let on to the ruse...and tells him of "Zoe's" predicament. Jen asks Mike if she has spoke with me and then thinks that I am not answering my phone because I am Bostons (A bar)?!?!?!? And asks Mike to go look for me!!! As a side note, I would like to know why Jen thinks I have spent the last five days at Boston's when the only reason I was there on Saturday is because they asked me!!! She claims that it is the only place I wouldn't hear my phone ring. Fortunately, my favorite ring tone is vibrate and I have learned to stop listening for the vibration and to instead just concentrate on feeling for it. Finally, Mike says to this day that he would have reacted the same whether he knew it was a joke or not...he insists that this is just Jen being Jen... this point, I figured I would either snap a photo of Jen running out of Tank's to summons the National Guard or summonsing the remaining bar patrons to form a search party. I decided to take it into my own hands and film the finale. Using my Treo, I filmed her sitting in the corner freaking out and then walked over and asked if she had seen me. Needless to say, my presence was met by a stream of profanity that would have made a grown man blush! Hilarious!!! The funny thing is that I have never tried to be Zoe, she simply had my cell stored with name...oh such good fun.

WARNING: Video contains harsh unbridled adult language...from a woman.


At the conclusion, I asked Jen if she was studying for a test based in logic. She insisted she wasn't and I indicated that it was a good thing because after her recent illogical leap in logic, I said she would most certainly fail.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Top 10 Things to Do When Your Wife is Out of the Country

9. Watch Borat and then go for swim with my new friends! It's nice! I like you!

Saturday, November 11, 2006